Tuesday, November 25, 2003


Well I�m still in Valparaiso, trying to learn spanish! Damn these verb conjugations! So, what has been happening to me... mmmm. I had a rather awkward experience yesterday. I had to go and see the doctor just to check up on a problem I�ve been having with my prostate for some time, and I�d been putting it off for ages cos I knew that the doc would probably want to have a fiddle with my gonads, and well, it�s just not cricket is it? So anyway, I finally made the appointment to see the only guaranteed english speaking doctor in town, who was apparantly some german woman.

Woman wasn�t really the word I would have used to describe the sexy blond young thing that greeted me when I walked into the surgery... My doctor turned out to be a very attractive german girl who can�t have been much older than me! On the one hand it was good: I mean, much better to have a sexy lady handle your bollox than a fat smelly old man. But on the other hand, could I trust myself to remain, shall we say, "bored", through the examination? So, after chatting for a while the inevitable moment came and she asked me to hop up onto the table and whip down my pants. Desperately trying to fend off images of german porn movie scenarios (yah doctor, i haf zis problem u see... iz zat better?... ohhhh, yeahhhhh... oh doctor!..), I lay myself on the table and lowered my trousers, leaving my boxers on just in case there was still some chance she wouldn�t want a full fiddle. "If you could just slip them off as well...." Damn. I did as I was told, and at least the surgery was warm, saving me some embarresment....

"Mmmmm, let uz zee..." she said as she began to play with my balls. "It�s ok" I thought to myself, "it�s purely scientific. That�s my scrotum there that she�s examining, and that tube inside must be the Vans Deferens, and I guess that bit she�s fondling now... Examaning! That bit she�s EXAMANING now must be the shaft.. No! The base.... Arggghhh! It�s impossible, if she keeps on going like this there�s no way I�m gonna be able to keep myself from.... " "Ok, you can pull your pants up now". Damn.

And the sad thing is that that�s the closest I�ve been to getting any for quite some time.....

Anyway, moving swiftly on. England won the rugby!!!!! I know that�s old news to you guys, but I�m a bit behind here! I can�t believe I didn�t get to watch it after investing all that time in NZ teaching myself to like rugby! Ok, I�ve been in this Net cafe for bloody hours now downloading free spanish tutorials (the ones they gave us at school are shit) so I�m gonna shoot.


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