Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Feeling very wierd today. I took my Cable Box back today, and I know it sounds wierd, but it felt like the first real sign that I'm actually leaving. I've got to be out of my flat on tuesday, and I still haven't really started packing yet. I guess I'm just afraid of seeing all my life packed up into a few boxes. I dont want to have to spend even one day living in an empty flat full of boxes. it's just too wierd. I think the fact that I've used the word weird 3 times already says something in itself!

Anyway, I went out today and bought another bag!!!!! This time I got a crumpler camera bag for my new digital camera. Went and met selene after she finished work, and "hung out" around Suntec. hehe.

I can't decide where I want to travel. I've pretty much decided on the first part: India, SE asia, Australia and NZ, but after that I cant decide whether to go to Central America, South America, or Africa. Any suggestions? So anyway, no cable! I now have to make do with channel 5 and channel I and the occasional comedy on central. :( No more simpsons!!!!!! :( Having no TV is dangerous, as it forces us to think, and we all know what that can lead to ...... ANARCHY! I've been thinking today, and it feels ominous. What is life? we live, we die, and we do stuff in between. Does it matter what we do in between? mmmm, i guess not. As long as we stay happy and try to make others happy, then I guess that's all that's needed. But what makes us happy? Money? Love? Success? Fame? It's funny I guess, cos really all it takes sometimes is a sunny day and i feel like I couldn't be any happier, and other times I'm being given love, recognition, admiration and all the rest, and I dont feel so happy. I think the best kind of happiness is the simplest kind. The feeling that nothing really matters as long as the sun keeps shining. I think that if the pursuit of happiness becomes stressful, then ultimately it will never succeed, as the task of achieving it takes presedence over the act of experiencing it. It always strikes me as odd when I see ppl who look down with pity on ppl who live simple village lives, as if they are missing out on something very important that we are priviledged enough to be involved in. And I think "but who's really the poorer here? Sure they have less money, but they have a hell of a lot less stress, and a lot more happiness as a result"! I'm not being a patronising middle class romantic either. I'm well aware that poverty is the cause of the most severe suffering and stress, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the kind of kampung lifestyle that lots of ppl in malaysia still enjoy. And if there is stress seeping into this kind of lifestyle, i think it has more to do with the growing pressure to conform to western modernity then with any flaws in the actual lifestyle itself. I mean, there's tribes all over the world that have been living for centuries without any major worries. It's only really since we started infringing into their teritory that their problems began. It sounds very sanctimonious, but I'm not actually saying that anyone should or shouldn't do anything, I'm just speaking my thoughts. Mmmm, maybe I'll go and join some tribe in the rainforest somwhere. I rekon I could survive without all the creature comforts of the 21st century. Except maybe my electric toothbrush. and maybe my digital camera........ and my TV....... and my PC...... and my Bed....... and my MD...... oh screw it, i'll just go and visit them for a week and then go home and have a shower and watch the Simpsons. :)

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