My baby's gone!!!! :(

Once again I'm all alone in this big old world with only my imaginary headlice to keep me company... (I invented my imaginary headlice during a particularly lonely night in a train station in rajastan). But even scratching my imaginary bites isn't enough to take my mind off the fact that I can't see my baby any more.... :( And to make matters worse, the past two days selene has been really ill with Gastroenteritis (the shits) and hasn't been able to be her usual chirpy self due to the practical impossibilties of laughing and vomiting at the same time....

I took her to the doctor yesterday after she'd been up puking in the night, and he told her she had to give him a stool sample. Such a strange word to describe a shit... stool.... anyway, he showed her the bathroom and pointed to a stack of small plastic cups, like the ones you get out of coffee vending machines, and said "If you could just put a bit of stool in one of those cups and then inform the receptionist..." Hello! He made it sound like you could just reach into your bowels and fish out a nicely sized lump and pop it in the cup! Obviously he has never done a shit before. The thing about shits is that they are notoriously unpredictable, especially when you have an upset stomach. Lets imagine for a moment that you are holding the cup under your butt, trying to gauge the most likely trajectory, and then suddenly you have an explosive burst of diorreah!! It's not a pretty thought! Another equally disturbing thought is that you produce one of those prize-winning logs that you feel so proud of you want to call your girlfriend into the loo to take a photo. I mean it's not gonna fit in the cup is it!! Sure you could pinch it off halfway, but then you could end up with half a turd stuck up there, and anyway, with a pize-winning log it would be a crime to pinch it....

Ok Ok! I'll stop! But dont tell me you haven't at least once pondered on these matters in the privacy of your own bathroom.....

Anyway, back to the present. I'm hungry, low on cash, I have a stomach ache and I'm alone. Compared to Richard Branson I'm in a pretty sorry state. Compared to the leper with no hands or nose i just saw ouside, I might as well be Richard Branson..... It's a funny old world....

I'm gonna go and watch "8 Mile" again in a bit to kill some time. It's showing in one of these restaurants that show movies to try and entice customers because their food is so shit and they are situated down the end of a back alley full of shit. Sorry, a lot of shit in this post i know.... So anyway, I hope my baby is doing ok at the airport. I wasn't allowed inside the building! Bloody cheek! Not even as far as the cafe to sit and have a drink with her! I even offered to check my gun in at reception but they still weren't having it! ;)

By the way, could you all do me a favour and boycott ESSO. I have recently rediscovered (you know how people tell you these things and you forget them 10 mins later) that ESSO is run by evil goblins intent on destroying the world and building huge factories to cut up cute animals to be used as fuel for giant american cars.... or something like that.... Basically they are one of the main powers behind American policies on Oil, being as they donate huge sums of money to the Bush Administration. They are the main opponents to letting america develop any form of alternative energy or start using efficient cars like the rest of the world... To cut a long story short, they're bastards. Yes, it's all a conspiracy theory, yes I believe what I want to believe, yes it's all concocted by long haired hippies who spend too long surfing the net, but look at it this way, is it really that far fetched to imagine that a multi-national gazillion dollar oil company might be run by greedy heartless bastards? i think not. So trust me on this one and next time you think of putting esso fuel in your car, spare a thought for all the cute little animals and put in some "billyfuel" instead, coming soon to a highway near you.... :)

ok, I think I've said enough for one day. I've managed to take my mind of being all alone in a smelly city full of people who want to cheat me! When I write my blog i really feel as if i'm chatting with you guys, whoever you are, but I have to say, you're a quiet bunch..... please talk to me! all comments, no matter how dull, are appreciated.... :) laters.