Cheap Internet!!!! :)

ok, no more excuses now. I shall endevour to write something interesting. The problem is that when you're lying on a beach getting a tan very little of interest actually happens. I guess I could rustle up a couple of fairly decent little anecdotes.....

So, when I arrived in Ko Chang, I have to say I was pretty dissapointed. The beach I ended up at, White Sands, was just one long stretch of upmarket resort type bungalows with air-con and all the rest. I managed to find myself a cheapie hut at the far end of the beach but it just didn't feel right. I went out to have a drink and maybe meet some ppl, but it seemed that I was the only lone traveller there. Everyone else was in a couple, either of the traditional variety, or (more commonly) of the 1000 baht a night variety. I didn't really fancy chatting to some fat middle aged german who would keep informing me that the pre-pubescant looking thai girl sat on his beer belly was a "real cracker", so I headed home feeling a bit displaced and pining for India.

The second day was better. I went to the bar next door to my hut and made friends with the owner, a thai guy called Sonor. The bar was empty apart from a couple of fat eoropeans with thai girls, so we chatted until everyone had left, and then Sonor Invited my out to go have some drinks with him. I accepted greatfully and we set off in his pick-up to find a "karaoke bar". Unfortunately, Sonor told me wistfully, the police had closed down all the Karaoke bars pending further bribes, and thus deprived the thai men of the favourite form of entertainment. However, there was one place still open. A huge lump of concrete sticking out of the middle of no where with an enormous neon sign proclaiming it the "Sky Bar". Sonor said he had to make a phone call and told me to go ahead. I walked thru the doors past a few hopefull looking hookers and found myself the only human being in a large concert hall filled with tables. There was a band on the stage knocking out english and thai pop songs to a fairly unresponsive audience: me.

No sooner had I entered than the entire staff of waiters started closing in on me from all angles, desperate for a moment of work to relieve the boredom of job with no purpose.

"Hello Sir! You alone?"

said the guy who arrived first, somehow managing to offer me a range of sexual services simply using his eyebrows.

"No No, I'm with a friend... I'll have 2 beers please"

" Two beers?"

"Yes please"

"Not one?"

"No No, I really have a friend, he's just using the phone!"

So they bring me two beers and I sit there with the entire staff watching me as i sit and wait.... and wait..... and wait..... After 30 mins Sonor still hasn't arrived. The staff have started giving me knowing glances, once again coveying huge amounts of sub-text with their eyebrows: "You don't need to be embaressed sir, many single men come here looking for a good time... Let me intoduce you to Noi, she can be your companion for the night..."

Finally Sonor walked in and I had a moment of triumph, throwing my best "I told you so" stares at the staff. Later a group of thais who Sonor knew arrived and we joined them. I should say that by this point I had already drunk about 5 litres of Beer Chang, which is 6.5%, and was feeling considerably tipsy.... Then one of the new group offered me a drink. I accepted without thinking and suddenly had a whiskey and coke in front of me. That's ok, I thought, one whiskey and coke will be ok. How wrong i was. What i didn't realise is that every time I drank half of my glass, one of the waiters would reach over while I wasn't looking and top it up from the bottles on the table behind us! So a few hours later and god knows how many whiskey and cokes, the time finally arrived for the club to close. At this point I suddenly realised thru my drunken haze that Sonor was no longer with us! My new friends were going the wrong way and couldn't give me a lift, so i decided to go and see if his car was still there.

Outside I managed to spot his car and stagger towards it, realising on the way that he was actually sat in the drivers seat. Assuming he was waiting for me I flung open the door and slumped into the passenger seat. Then I looked across and was surprised to find Sonor getting his dick sucked by a whore leaning in the driver's door! I think I then mumbled something and slumped back out of the car before retreating to what seemed like a polite distance. I waited until I saw the crouched figure leave and then stagged back. At this point my memory kind of blacks out, but I vaguely remember Sonor dropping me off and me wondering why he was dropping me in the middle of nowhere before realising it was my guesthouse...... Needless to say the next day i felt like a huge pile of warm shit.

Then I got ill. Dioreah, sore throat etc.... So I decided not to go out, and ended up going to sonor's place for some food. This was a mistake, as he introduced me to another group of thais who once again made me drink whiskey. Despite the fact that I don't like whiskey, I have to say it was really great to have thais giving things to me rather than the other way round. They really are a generous lot once you get away from the tourists.

On about my 4th day in Ko Chang, I decided to rent a scooter and head off into the great unknown to find a beautiful beach to move to. I found a great beach and then decided to visit the waterfall in the middle of the island. After an hour or so of swimming around and generally feeling like a bit of a sad git (everyone else was in groups) I decoded to leave. On my way out I passed a big group of school kids on a day trip with their teacher. He stopped me as I passed with the obligatory "Hey! where you from?". We got chatting and he ended up darwing a characature of me, which I have to say was pretty good. He then told me his name was "tiger" and did a little "grrr" to emphasise his point... I noticed he was a little camp, so the "tiger" thing seemed fairly apt. Later on when I got back home, I showed the drawing to some friends I'd made. It was only then that i realised he's written a little note at the bottom..... "For Mr Billy, from your friend Tiger (hp 976 3574)" !!!! It hadn't really even ocurred to me at the time that he was chatting me up, as he was with all his students who were listening to our conversation, but I think it was pretty clear from the note that he wanted my butt! Cant blame him tho.... :)

Right, I've had enough of writing and you've had enough of reading, so I'll finish just by saying that my new plan (it changes every day) is to skip most of SE Asia and head straight for singapore before spending a month or so in Indonesia. So if all goes well I should be in singapore in less than 2 weeks!! So prepare yourself singapore.... the undercover hippy approaches........