Evenin' all.

well, it's been a riproaringly eventful day in the bustling metropolis of hereford. I got up, read a chapter of "Harry potter: the order of the phoenix" (Harry just got detention for mentioning that Lord Voldemort has returned), tried unsucessfully to record a couple of songs, went to the cinema with my sister Laura and saw "Along came Polly" (predictable but amusing cringe movie with ben stiller and jen aniston), then went to see a singer at the Barrels pub (didn't actually "see" him mind you). I'm exhausted!

So what can I say today. It's hard to think of interesting things to witter on about these days. I tend to want to just moan a bit, which is all very well if your writing a blog for yourself, and probably quite theraputic really, but as i have an audience out there i feel i have something of a responsibility to write something entertaining.... so...

did you know that men who ejaculate 5 times or more a week are a third less likely to develop prostate cancer than men who don't? It's true. Some medical researchers in australia did a survey of a few thousand men over a certain age, half with prostate cancer and half without, and discovered that the men who had been wanking or having sex more than 5 times a week were over 30% less likely to develop the disease. They think that this is because semen, when it is left to sit around in the reproductive tubes, can turn carconagenic due to it's highly concentrated state. With this in mind, i think it's about time that wanking shed it's status as a taboo subject, and was embraced by society as a sign of a healthy lifestyle. Five times a week, well, that's pretty much every day, so I think it's important that we can feel unembaressed if for example, we are staying at a friend's parents' house, to get up from the dinner table and say "Excuse me, can I use your bathroom, I'm just gonna have a quick wank..". Or maybe to make it more socially acceptable, we could create some healthy sounding euphemisms, like "excuse me for a few minutes, I'm just gonna go and clean out the old tubes", or "back in 5, just gonna do a quick pipe cleaner".... Or maybe we could jst stick with the many that we have already, like "spank the monkey", or "choke the chicken".

I think there may even be a case for wanking to be made available on the NHS to those who are unable to perform the life saving procedure themselves; like people with no arms for example.....

Of course there is the other option, of having sex five times a week. The problem with that is that you need either a girlfriend, or a huge amount of sexual magnetism and enthusiasm. I however, have niether. Now where's that bog roll?........