Sunday, April 13, 2003

Well well well,

My last days in Pushkar were great but very sad. Saying goodbye was hard, but it's also good to be back on the road again. So anyway, I had a stomach upset right? Well, I took some anti-biotics and that psyllum stuff, and on Saturday I felt right as rain. At 7pm I went to get on the bus, which took me to Ajmer where I had to change to the sleeper coach. Whilst waiting for the bus I met a guy who was looking really bad, sat with his head between his hands. He told me he had got a really bad stomach upset, vomiting, dioreah, the whole works. Poor bastard! This is just at the start of a 9 hour bus ride! So on the bus i offered him some of my Psyllum husk, which incidentally I had stopped taking, and he eventually agreed. So I started to go to sleep as the bus bounced and crashed it's way along the potholed indian roads. About an hour later, the curse of the Undercover Hippy, thought by me to have been narrowly avoided, reared it's ugly head once more. I woke from my dreams with a severe pain in my gut. But after squeezing out a very cautious fart, all seemed to be well. Then, 5 mins later, the same thing happened, and then 5 mins later again...untill finally there were no more farts left and it was crisis time.... I tried laying still and holding my butt-cheeks tight together, but the constant bouncing of the bus made it impossible. Finally I could take it no more. I got out of my bed and went to the front of the bus, where I woke up one of the drivers...

"I need to go to the toilet" I said,
"you wait" he replied.
"No, I cant wait, it's an emergency" I said.
"U wait 10 minutes" he said.
"ok, I'll try" i said, heading back to my bed clutching my butt cheeks. As I reached my bed the bus hit a particularly vicious pot-hole and my damn almost burst. I ran back to the front of the bus....

"I have to go now..."
"10 mins u wait..."
"Look, unless u want a very messy accident right here in front of you, I suggest u stop the bus RIGHT NOW!" I said, illustrating my point with a rather nice impression of a dioreah noise. Finally he agreed and stopped the bus at the side of the highway. I jumped off and walked about 10 feet from the bus before squatting in the darkness. No sooner had I sqatted when by bum exploded, and no sooner had my bum exploded than a whole convoy of trucks came past with their high beams on, illuminating my display of toilet tragedy for the world to see. I noticed that the drivers were stood in the doorway watching me, but to be honest i was to relieved to give a shit...... except the one I just gave of course.

Back on the bus I chatted with the guy from before who was ill, who turned out to be called Marshall. Marshall told me another story about our last toilet stop. He'd got off the bus, feeling very sick and disorientated, and asked the bus driver to wait while he went to the toilet. "No problem" said the driver. Then as he was coming back from the toilet, he saw to his horror that the bus was pulling away, with all his stuff on board, including ALL his money!!! he ran after the bus shouting, but it was no use..

As he watched the tail-lights dissapear, along with his lifes possesions, he suddenlt felt even more sick, but conjuring up his last reserve of strenght, he somehow convinced the tea-shop owner to chase the bus in his jeep, which is not easy as these bus driver drive like madmen. Anyway, somehow they manged to stop the bus and he got back on, but fuck, what a nightmare!!

So anyway, I'm in Delhi now. I went to see the Taj Mahal this morning. It was awesome, but it was far too hot, so I spent most of the time sprawled out in the shade of various trees and buildings.....

Delhi is smelly. That's about all I've managed to ascertain as yet. I met a group of indians on the train who decided that being british i was an official representative of Tony Blair, even going so far as to call me Tony Blair whilst airing their grievances! But it was all in good humour and we had lot of fun. :)

ok, enough already..... bye!

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